My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding Pageant Gowns: Miss Belgium Noemi Happart (left) at Miss Universe 2013 preliminaries and Miss Finland Meija Kerisalmi (right) at the Miss World 2013 Finals.
Continuing with my End-of-the-Year Lists...in my last post here on my NICKVERREOS.COM blog, I discussed my Top 30+ List of Best Beauty Pageant Gowns of 2013 so...it's now time for the "Uh Oh!/Ayy Mija" Worst Beauty Pageant Gowns of 2013. These dresses ended up here because
A) They were TACKY
B) Bad 80's/90's Prom-Meets-Quinceañera;
C) Questionable Taste Level;
D) Too cheap looking;
E) Too Much Flammable Polyester, and
F) Too Much Boobies and Too Much Sex-a-Licious Slit
Once again, I have divided it into different pageants (i.e. Miss Universe, Miss World, etc.) and I apologize if I missed some of your Top Worsts. So, here we go...
Señorita Colombia/Miss Universe Colombia 2013:
Miss Bogota Jennifer Uscategui--Oh Jennifer, what were you thinking? This gown--designed by Rafael Paez--is
is a HOT MESS! This emerald green organza and sequined gown with
gathered hip detail was straight out of a beauty pageant from 1995. And
the dated hairstyle did not help. Oh, and then there were those shoes!
Definitely an "Ayyy Mija!".
Miss Tolima Sandra Paola Arias Muñoz--Miss
Tolima received the lowest gown score of the night with this pink
strapless dress. And I can see why: I have seen this dress hanging on a
plastic mannequin in the Downtown LA Fashion District. In other words: been there/done that--and cheap! And that hair and those earrings...are we in 1992? Ayyyy Mija!
Miss Choco Yesuli Londoño Mosquera--One word: GURL! I have to give Miss Choco
points for being so daring as to wear this ivory fringed and sequined
Alfredo Barraza-designed gown that looked as if it was attacked by a
trim store. On the other hand...she looked as if she was attacked by a
Miss Venezuela 2013:
Photo Courtesy of BellezaVelezolana.net
Miss Falcon Marie Claire Arcila: Gurl! Or as we
say in Spanish Mija! This dress was TOO MUCHEY. It looked like a
costume from "The Hunger Games" and one that may have been rejected. I
appreciate all the work that probably went into this dress but it's just
too costume-y and I haven't even begun to discuss those puffy 1980s
"Dynasty"/Nolan Miller-like sleeves and shoulders. Even at the "Miss Venezuela pageant, they sometimes get it wrong...and tacky-licious.
Miss Universe 2013:
Miss Ethiopia Maheder Tigabe: The
reason why beautiful Maheder is here is the entire package. Her
hair is SOOO Pageant Betty 1998, the dress looks like it is from a
Prom-&-Pageant shop; it looks cheap, and it is way too
short--about 8 inches in fact. I know some of these contestants don't
have the options (or money) of the Top Girls, but good styling and the
proper gown length could, at the very least, make it acceptable. Definitely an "Uh Oh of 2013".
Miss Honduras Diana Schoutsen: No, no and no. From the
hair style (so Prom-&Pageant 90's), the big ol' earrings to the
tacky silver stacked pumps, the entire look is so dated. The dress
itself doesn't do Diana any favors; it looks cheap and typical and yes,
the slit just takes it over the edge. The taste level is not just questionable, it's BAD.
Miss Azerbaijan Aysel Manafova: Ayyy Mija! Where are you
going in this concoction? Oversized jeweled strapless bustier attached
to black panties and a see-through chiffon overskirt. While I applaud
the sheer tenacity to "Just Go For It" by wearing this ensemble, I think
the taste level is questionable and maybe three more layers of that
black chiffon would have helped. Hoochie-licious.
Miss Nicaragua Nastassja Bolivar: This is a confusing gown for
me. It has heavily sequined applique on the sides, top, sleeves and then
panels of royal blue chiffon godets in the front and the back for some
reason. I can just hear fashion designer--and former "Project Runway" judge--Michael Kors now:
"She's POOPING Chiffon!". And then, the lining: it stops just where her
bootie ends. Why? Who knows. She's like a belly dancer about to perform
a dance to Ravel's "Bolero" in a questionable Moroccan nightclub.
Miss Aruba Stefanie Guillen Evangelista: Oh no. Unless she is figure skating to Rimsky-Korsakov's "Scheherazade", this gown is unacceptable. It's trashy, cheap-looking and badly designed. And really, with all that going on with the dress already, she felt the need to OVER-accessorize with the bracelet and earrings? No.
Miss Paraguay Guadalupe Gonzalez Talavera: This gown--featuring a
nude-colored strapless bustier with black crystal applique and black
satin and tulle full skirt--is two minutes away from a Folies Bergère show that got cancelled.
Miss Nigeria Stephanie Okwu: God bless Stephanie for even
thinking that this was cute. She either asked an actual fashion
designer--or saw this on a rack and said "Yep! I'll take it!". This
Halloween-orange mermaid ruffle iridescent POLYESTER mess of a gown is
THE definition of Bad Cha-Cha. This is a dress one wears at the Rio de
Janeiro Carnival on a float...if you're a fabulous Drag Queen.
Miss Romania Roxana Andrei: This "interesting" design combines
both Cha-Cha aspects as well as semi-Asian influences. There's the
oversized blouson bishop sleeves and high slit (Cha-Cha) and then the
red printed applique satin fabrication (a little more "Asiana").
Irregardless, the entire look is more of a "Dancing With The Stars"
Miss Turks & Caicos Snwazna Adams: On a positive note,
I give her "At-a-Gurl!" points for being so bold as to actually wear an
apple green chiffon strapless gown over matching poly-satin
"cigarette"/Capri pants! And yes, kids, this is a Gown-and-Capri pant
combo. And that leads me to also put her in my "Uh Oh" list
because...SHE IS WEARING A GOWN-&-CAPRI PANTS ensemble! These girls
have lost their (style) minds.
Miss Serbia Ana Vrcelj: When Miss Serbia came out in this white
satin and chiffon gown , I thought "OK, this is not good", and then I
focused on the ruffled "rosette" appliques on the hips and thought "Oh,
this is really BAAAD!". Two questions: A) why would any designer place these tacky-looking things on a dress, and B) why place them on the hips?
Miss Great Britain Amy Willerton: This was an absolute
MESS. I know that some of you out there on the Pageant "Web-o-Sphere" thought this was cute. But...I happen to respectfully disagree. Let me try and describe this crazy gown: it's a strapless SUPER
Mermaid-shaped gown with ombre-like shadings of various lilac, purple
and white colors in what looks like a bunch of hair scrunchies. I am all
about DRAMA and I get that but, this was a DRAMA MISS. And on top of
everything, did she really need that diamante necklace and earrings?
Let me answer that: No. She looks like a Carnival Float.
Miss Lithuania Simona Burbaite: I have two words: HEFTY BAG. I
cannot believe she would wear a gown made of a fabrication that looks
very much like a garbage bag.
Miss Belgium Noemi Happart: Noemi's gown choice was so
Tacky-licious and bad. This strapless golden colored gown featured a fitted
bustier and multi-ruffled hi-lo "Can-Can" attached skirt. Under any
circumstances, this is a NO. How anyone would see this on a hanger--or a
sketch of it--and say "Oui! I want that!" makes me seriously question
her taste level. And I didn't even begin to mention those super-tacky
gold stacked pumps! Oh, and by the way, she didn't do any better (gown wise) at the Miss World 2013 Pageant (keep reading!).
Miss El Salvador Alba Delgado: There were so many contenders for
the Top "Uh Oh!" Evening Gown Prize but when Miss El Salvador came out
in this canary yellow chiffon and applique gown...and the camera gave a
close-up on her...um..."Sistahs", I was like "Done and Done!". Take a
look at what I am talking about: there are silver jeweled crystals ON HER NIPPLES! Seriously,
what was Alba thinking when she picked this gown? Why didn't anyone
tell her? It drives me so LOCO! This is definitely one of the tackiest and most "Uh Oh!/Ayyy Mija" beauty pageant gowns of 2013.
Miss World 2013:
Miss Belgium Noemi Happart: Noemi! What. Were. You.
Thinking? This looks like something a girl from a tacky "My Big Fat
Gypsy Wedding" TV show would wear. Pink. Satin, Cut-outs. Too short and too tight. Rippling seams. And that hair!
Miss Aruba Larissa Leeuwe: Larissa wore a red satin gown
with a very busy (and very 1990s shoulder/neckline detail). The red gown
plus that hairstyle screamed Prom..or at least a beauty pageant circa
Miss Chinese Taipei Cinzia Chang: Cinzia! Huney: What is this?
Dirty colored tulle full skirt and a mint green satin peplum bustier. No
and no. It looks like a Fashion Student's version of an old John
Galliano-for-Dior dress. Oh, and yes, I can see your shoes. Not cute.
Unless it is supposed to be "tea length" (it's not) or Hi-Lo (it's also
NOT!), then seeing the shoes is a big NO!
Miss Malta Donna Leyland: Oh Donna, you are so cute. However,
your gown is not. This ivory satin and chiffon hi-lo dress doesn't make
any sense. I really only want to focus on why it is so short--and so
close to her CHA-CHA--in the front. It's all a mess.
Miss Guadeloupe Sheryna can der Koelen:
Sheryna...darling...please explain this dress to me? Sheryna wore a
lilac colored kimono-inspired get-up as her "Miss World 2013" Final Show
gown. Why? The dress looked like it was made from polyester satin,
badly constructed (rippling seams!) and way too short, and then, if that
wasn't enough, they had to add cheap trim on the edges. What's that
saying: the Cheap Comes Out Expensive. Enough said.
Miss Finland Meija Kerisalmi: Meija--and her designer--have been
watching WAAAY too many episodes of "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding". This dress
is just plain tacky. Maybe this is considered "red carpet fab" in
Finland...but I highly doubt it. This concoction is a Big Bird
Prom-a-Licious Gypsy/Romani/Traveler Wedding Mess.